Variation on the Word Sleep
by some kind of exquisite
Summary: "I'm not okay, Lace. Not inside." "We all have a dark side, Danny." "Yeah, but I can feel mine creeping over the edges...threatening to consume me." Rated T for smut and coarse language.
1. Part One

_"I would like to be the air_

_that inhabits you for a moment _

_only. I would like to be that unnoticed _

_& that necessary."_

__- '**Variation on the Word Sleep' by Margaret Atwood**

[a study in the anatomy of a toxic relationship]

* * *

Summer, 2007

In a makeshift fortress on the outskirts of the small mid-western town of Green Grove, a ten-year-old boy's cry was heard.

"Hold still, Danny. It's going to be okay," said Lacey Porter.

Of the three children, she was the only calm one. She was also the tallest of the three with a mane of bushy dark hair and a know-it-all glint in her wide brown eyes.

"There's so much blood!" sobbed the dimpled blonde, Jo Masterson.

This elicited another round of tears from Danny Desai, the dark-haired boy cradling a bloody knee.

Lacey pulled out the last of the splinters and immediately set to work with a towel, wiping outside the open wound and stilling the flow of blood. Jo couldn't bear to look.

"I'm calling the Chief!" Jo announced before turning to run out of the fort and back to the Masterson home.

"Jo, wait—" Lacey began to shout but her friend was gone.

"See what you've done, Desai?" she muttered in irritation. "Now we're all getting in trouble. I told you not to jump!"

Danny looked up at her with large watery eyes. "I'm sorry, Lace."

She sighed. "It's okay. That's what I'm here for: to clean up your messes."

There was a pause as she tied a clean shirt around his knee. "There you go. Good as new."

"Thank you," Danny whispered. He fidgeted for a second, staring at the wooden floors of the fort. Suddenly, he reached up to plant a wet kiss on her forehead.

"Ew!" Lacey screamed. "What was that for? What is wrong with you, Desai?!"

The boy's olive complexion flushed a deep berry red as he scampered away on an injured knee.

* * *

Present

Friday, 4:15PM

Lacey struggled to still her breath as she took in her surroundings. Every surface of the fort was coated in the dust of old memories.

It was suffocating.

Yet, in a way, just being here felt cathartic. Maybe she was a masochist. She smiled at the thought.

There was the kitten-soft purple throw rug where they'd play endless rounds of Scrabble while Danny moaned about how boring it was. He never did win.

There was the loose floor plank where they stashed their horde of junk food. Mr. and Mrs. Masterson kept Jo on a strict gluten-free, vegan diet so the packs of red vines, butterfingers, and Hershey's kisses supplied by her and Danny sustained her.

And there was the desolate corner where she'd held a sobbing Danny every time his dad left on another spontaneous 'business trip'.

She shuddered. Nostalgia so thick, she could suffocate.

None of that was really the reason she was here, she reminded herself. For all the ups and downs of the past few years, this was the last place where she could collect herself and be the real Lacey Porter for a few hours. Whoever that was.

And that was exactly what she needed now. The back-to-back events of Danny's return and Regina's death – no, Regina's murder – were chipping away at her ice-cool exterior.

A scuffle at the entrance snapped her back to reality. She made a sharp move to get up.

"Hi, Lace." Danny held his hands up as if in surrender. "It's just me."

"What are you doing here?" she couldn't help but ask.

"I was about to ask you the same thing." He mustered a weak smile.

Everything about him was weak around Lacey. Gone were the quick wit, smooth hair maneuvers, and charming smirk. In its place was a crush-struck 16-year-old boy with a little too much uncertainty in his gait.

"I just came to unwind," she answered stiffly. "What's your excuse?"  
"I wanted to check the old place out." He stepped into the fort and sure enough, his eyes swept the area appreciatively. "It looks pretty good, considering it was abandoned for five years."

"I think Jo came around a few times. Fixed the place up."

Danny laughed lowly, a wistful smile playing on his lips. "Yeah, that sounds like Jo."

"I should go," Lacey said abruptly, picking up her handbag and moving past him.

"Wait—" Danny fidgeted with a hole in his jeans. "Can't you stay for a little bit? Please?"

Lacey turned around, wondering if she had misheard the vulnerability coloring his voice.

"It's not a school night. Where could you possibly have to be?" Danny reminded her.

"Some of us have homework. You know, grades and futures to prepare for," she mumbled.

Danny didn't let the hurt show in his face. "Unlike me?" he suggested.

Lacey shrugged. "Your future is whatever you want it to be, Danny. I really don't care."

Danny looked thoughtful for a moment. "No, I don't think it will be. Not the future I really want at least."

Lacey froze. Was he talking about the murder? Had he killed Regina after all? Was he about to confe—

"But then again, I'm not really interested in the white picket fence future. That is what you're chasing isn't it, Lace?"

She cocked a brow, almost challenging him to continue. He obliged.

"You want two well-behaved kids, a textbook-perfect husband, and a golden retriever in a suburban McMansion. The husband makes six figures – no question about it – and he probably played some team sport through high school and at his Ivy League college. He was captain of the team, of course. No less."

"So you're saying I want normalcy?" she spat with more venom than she initially intended. As soon as she said it, the truth of the statement hit her like a ton of bricks.

That was the elusive goal she had been chasing – almost achieved, even – all these years. She wanted, more than anything in the world, to be normal.

And not the fringe definition of normal adopted by Jo and her little hanger-on, Rico. Lacey wanted people to look at her and strive to be that well put-together, that well liked, and that self-confident.

"Oh hey, I'm not knocking you!" Danny held his hands up again, as if to say 'don't take it the wrong way'. "You're well on your way there. Mum can't stop gushing about you. Lacey is a straight-A student. Lacey is the head of the student council. Lacey is organizing the PTA fundraiser this semester. Lacey, Lacey, Lacey…"

His voice pitched higher as he went on, as if to mimic Karen Desai's lilting tone.

A giggle escaped Lacey's throat despite herself. "Glad to hear I've made such an impression on Mrs. Desai."

"Oh, you have," he assured her.

A comfortable silence descended and Lacey found the room didn't feel as suffocating anymore.

"So what do you want, Danny?" she found herself asking.

He snapped out of his reverie and locked eyes with her. When he didn't answer, she continued.

"You said you're never going to have the future you really want. Why?"

He smirked but it wasn't humorous or charming anymore. It was steely and cold.

"I have a tendency to hurt what I want the most, Lace. And frankly, I'm not enough of a selfish bastard to try and take something…perfect, for myself."

Lacey swallowed the lump forming in her throat. Danny was always like this. Goofy and light-hearted one second and the next, he was dropping riddle-like bombs on her that made it seem like he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders.

"I really should go now," she said. Getting up, she brushed the dust off the front of her leggings and picked up her handbag.

"Will I see you at school on Monday?" he asked.

There it was again. That vulnerability. He sounded like a little boy, lost and needing to be nurtured.

She shot him a look. They couldn't communicate in public. He had to know that.

"Never mind. Forget I said anything."

She left the room briskly, not wanting to see the crestfallen look on his face.

* * *

Monday, 7:35AM

The halls of Green Grove High felt emptier than usual, Lacey noted. It was early on a Monday morning and homeroom didn't start for another forty minutes. The only students there were those who had early morning extra-curricular activities – the soccer team and the track and field runners. And the devoted girlfriends, like Lacey, who were waiting outside the locker rooms with a cold energy drink and a welcoming hug.

"Busy weekend?" Sarita chirped. Now that Regina was gone, Lacey found herself spending more and more time with Sarita. In a way, she and Archie were all she really had left.

"Not really…" Lacey trailed off. "What do you mean?"

"Well, I couldn't get a hold of you. I texted, messaged you on Facebook, and even called your home phone once. Your mum said you were out."

"Oh. Yeah, I guess I've been a bit busy. Mr. Wallman's been drowning us in readings and assignments. It's a little ridiculous actually."

But Sarita's attention was already diverted and her eyes widened at something over Lacey's shoulder.

"Oh my God, what is that freak doing here so early?"

Lacey knew who Sarita was talking about before even looking but she made herself turn anyway. Sure enough, Danny was wandering the narrow hall with his hands shoved deep in the pockets of his baggy jeans and his thick dark hair covering his left eye.

Lacey shrugged and tried to ignore the queasiness bubbling in her stomach. "Probably has tutoring or, like, a counseling session…or something."

Sarita sneered. "I can't believe his family would show their faces here again. I'd die of embarrassment, personally."

"His mum's nice," Lacey said quietly. "Danny might be…you know. But the rest of his family is decent. His mum's in the PTA."

Sarita rolled her eyes. "I guess. She's really pretty, I'll admit. I'd kill for her hair."

She giggled. "Well, not literally kill. That's more her son's department."

Lacey cracked a smile. "Hilarious, 'Rita."

"Hey."

Lacey nearly jumped out of her skin at the sound of the familiar deep voice. She widened her eyes at Danny, trying to verbally communicate how out of line this was.

"What? There aren't many people here and my mum has a meeting with the principal so I hitched a ride. I thought I'd say hi."

"You thought…" Lacey trailed off, her voice heavy with disbelief. He was ballsy, to say the least. If he only knew how much her reputation was worth around here, she thought.

"Oh, I see…" He smirked but it wasn't unfriendly. "It's okay to talk to me in private, but not in the hallowed halls of Green Grove High?"

"Lacey doesn't need—" Sarita began but Lacey shot her a steely look.

"Do we need to have another discussion about your facial hair history?" Danny smiled sweetly.

Sarita scowled and walked off.

"That wasn't nice," Lacey warned him.

"And the way your friends treat me is?" Danny countered.

"My friends aren't two-time murder suspects."

Danny chuckled. "You always were good at this banter thing, Porter."

Lacey mimicked his smirk. "Good? I'm better than you any day, Desai."

They laughed simultaneously. Lacey felt a strong hand jerk her back.

"This guy bothering you, babe?"

Archie didn't look at her as he asked. His cold gray eyes were focused fully on Danny and adrenaline coursed through his body from soccer practice.

"Can we not do this again, guys?" Lacey pleaded in exasperation.

"I'm always down. Archie Andrews here clearly gets off to getting his ass beat."

"My surname isn't Andrews, moron," Archie sneered.

Lacey winced. "He means the comic book character. Archie comics?"

Danny laughed. "This meathead is your 'type', Lace? Really?"

Archie growled and this time Danny anticipated the muscled fist flying at his head. Ducking and lunging forward, he felt his body crash into the larger boy. His fist made contact with Archie's side and, in a matter of seconds, he had him straddled. Still disoriented from the blow, Archie was a second late on all his punches and dodges. Danny felt himself get lost in the mesmerizing rhythm of punching the jock under him over and over and over. He heard a voice crying his name, slightly muffled in the noise of screams and chanting around him. A small crowd – mostly Archie's teammates, their girlfriends, and surrounding teachers – had gathered and few began grabbing at him.

A slim, identifiably female arm reached around to pull him back just as Archie mustered enough consciousness to punch back. Archie's blow instead made contact with the side of the girl's face and she fell sideways.

"Lacey!"

Danny knew without looking that it was Lacey and her intensified cries snapped him out of his reverie.

"Lacey, are you okay? Lacey? Lace!"

She stumbled back, looking almost afraid of him. "Get away from me. You—you _freak_."

She spat the last word with as much venom as she could before succumbing to the pain.

"Mr. Desai, I need you to come with me."

"I can take myself to the principal's office," Danny said quietly. He tore his eyes away from Lacey, who was surrounded by cooing friends now anyway, and lifted himself off the linoleum floors.

"You're not going to the principal's office. The cafeteria fight was your last yellow card."

Danny recognized the burly man as the soccer coach.

"We have a police car waiting outside, son. Move."

* * *

**A/N: This is only about 5 or 6 parts long (so it's somewhere between a oneshot and a lengthy multi-chapter story). I'll try to put each chapter up with some decent time between them. Not too long, though. **

**I've started watching Twisted recently and I'm completely enamoured with the dynamic between the lead character, Danny, and his ex-friend, Lacey. The show was marketed as 'Dexter in high school' but of course, it's on ABC Family, so they're going to woobify him. I figured I'd get ahead and write out how I wanted him to be characterised - an unhinged teenage sociopath with an infatuation with his childhood crush.**

**Enjoy! [And leave a review...please?] **

**:)**


	2. Part Two

Winter, 2008

Lacey couldn't sleep. The brightly lit clock on her bedside told her it was 1:23AM. She tried not to rely on it too much. She could read time off an analog clock like a grown-up now. Still, the pink-and-green digital clock was a gift from her best friend, Jo, and it was far too sentimental to simply get rid of.

The silence of the night had been interrupted by the sound a shrill ringing phone for the past minute or so. She wondered why her mum hadn't picked it up yet – Judy Porter never missed a phone call, no matter what time of day (or night) it was. It could be one of her important clients.

Lacey slid out of bed and shuffled down the hall to the master bedroom. The bed was empty and neatly made up, just as the housekeeper had left it this morning. Her mum hadn't been home yet, just like the last few nights. Lacey knew she was working on something very important and grown-up at the firm. Her mum used words like 'partner' and 'promotion' when trying to explain to her why they rarely saw each other anymore.

The phone was still ringing.

Lacey knew how to answer a phone like a grown-up now. Her mum had spent an afternoon instructing her but she mostly mimicked her mother's clipped, professional tone when answering her sleek cell phone.

"Hello, Porter residence. Can I help you?" she chirped.

She internally winced. She was meant to say, '_How may I help you?_'

"Lace?" a small voice quivered on the other end.

"Danny?" Lacey dropped the high-pitched tone. She would recognize that voice anywhere.

"Lace, they're fighting again. I can hear them. They're fighting."

"Are you crying, Danny?"

"No," he lied, even as his voice shook.

Tears welled up in Lacey's eyes. She hated when Danny and Jo cried. She hated to see or hear anyone she loved cry. It made her want to hurt anyone who hurt them.

"Danny, they always fight. Everything will be okay in the morning. It always is."

"Not this time, Lace. He sounds really mad and she's crying. I think this is it. I think he's leaving for good. I'm never going to see him again."

"I'm sure you're just upset. It always seems bad. Besides, Uncle Vikram loves Aunt Karen. Everyone fights once in a while."

"We don't. Not like that," he pointed out quietly. "And they're always fighting! That's not normal."

"We're not married, silly. And they still love you, no matter what. Just keep talking to me until you fall asleep, okay?"

"Okay," he surrendered. "I promise I won't ever yell at you like that."

"Don't be stupid. If you're being silly, I have to yell at you. And you should do the same."

"I don't wanna make you cry," Danny said in a resolved voice. "And I'll kill anyone who does."

"You're such a drama queen, Desai."

"It's true," he whispered before yawning loudly. "Night, Lace."

"Night."

* * *

Present

Monday, 9:00AM

"The Desai kid again?" Chief Masterson exclaimed incredulously. "And Jo still won't believe me about this kid."

His partner shrugged. "Archie has a lawyer present, Chief."

"And Desai doesn't?"

"We're waiting for Karen Desai to get here, sir. She'll presumably have legal representation for her son."

The Chief sighed, throwing the file down on the aging oak table. "Lacey, how're you holding up?"

"Better, sir. Thanks."

She placed the ice pack back onto the table. The compact mirror in her handbag told her the injury wasn't too bad yet – just faintly yellow and swollen. It would start turning ugly shades of purple and blue by tonight, she realized with dread. She was already mentally stockpiling which concealers and powders she could use to cover the heinous injury.

"And you didn't see who hit you?"

"No, sir." She swallowed hard. A thoroughly irrational gut instinct told her it was Archie but he hadn't even wanted to speak to her when he came to. "I didn't see who—"

The shrill sound of two arguing women interrupted her. Through the mottled glass panels of Chief Masterson's office, she made out a small blonde woman clutching an oversized handbag and another woman in a crisp navy pantsuit holding a briefcase.

Chief Masterson stood up swiftly and opened the door. "Ladies."

Lacey widened her eyes. "Mum?"

The woman in the pantsuit was indeed Judy Porter. She turned her megawatt case-winning smile, framed by full crimson-painted lips, onto the Chief.

"Good morning, Chief. I was just having a conversation here with Mrs. Desai."

Karen looked decidedly unhappier. "_Conversation_", she quoted sarcastically. "You know what? Why don't we let Lacey make her own decisions?"

"Karen, stop it," Judy warned.

"Lacey, my lawyer is running a little late and the officers aren't letting me see Danny just yet. I thought he could benefit from having a talk with a good friend while he waits. He's in the room by himself."

"Hasn't your son hurt my daughter enough?" Judy asked incredulously.

"Mum, it's fine." Lacey knew her voice sounded tired and frail. "I've already given my testimony to Chief Masterson. Archie isn't speaking to me now anyway. I'll go talk to Danny."

Lacey picked up her handbag and, avoiding the worried looks on her mum and Chief Masterson's faces, made to leave the room. Before she exited, she turned to face her mum.

"Why are you here anyway?"

"Schultzman and Porter are representing Archie," Judy told her.

Lacey rolled her eyes. "No conflict of interest there at all."

She left before her mum could respond.

It didn't take long to find the room. The Green Grove Police Department wasn't exactly the NYPD. The Tara Desai murder case had been the biggest to hit the department in decades. She passed rows of unlocked rooms lit by harsh fluorescent lighting before finding two closed ones at the end of the corridor. Through one door, she could hear a monotone, blunt voice that sounded like her mum's co-worker and quickly deduced that Archie was in there with his lawyer. Through the other, she heard muffled music.

The door-handle gave easily under her hand and she pushed it open to see Danny slouched in a chair at the end of a long table. His earphones were in and his music blasted worryingly loud. Despite that, he snapped to attention as soon as she walked in.

"Hey."

He pulled out his earphones and she noticed his eyes were red and a nasty bruise was forming on his left cheek.

"Lace…what are you doing here?"

"Have you been crying?"

"No…"

"You're such a terrible liar, Desai."

"I'm an excellent liar," he pointed out. "I just can't lie to you."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. You know that. You always knew when I was upset or sick when we were little even when no one else could tell."

"So maybe I'm just really good at seeing through your bullshit?"

"Maybe." He smiled weakly.

Lacey shut the door behind her and sat across from him.

"Why'd you do it?"

Danny shrugged. "He provoked me. He's always provoking me. You know that. You were there—"

"I don't mean fighting Archie. Actually…yeah. Fighting Archie. Killing Regina. Killing your aunt. Why do you make things so _fucking_ difficult for yourself, Danny?"

"I didn't kill Regina," he said quietly. "You'd know if I did."

Lacey started to protest but he interrupted her. "And don't say you don't know anything. You knew I was telling the truth about Aunt Tara even when the adults were saying there had to be some kind of mistake. You always know when I'm lying and you know, deep down, that this isn't one of those times."

"Why are you saying these things?" She bit down the shakiness creeping into her voice. "You won't talk to Jo about any of it. I've talked to her, you know. She says you refuse to even talk about what happened with your aunt."

"I need to protect Jo," Danny said simply. "She's innocent and good and…just, different. She wouldn't understand. But you and me…" He struggled with his words for a second before looking down. "We're the same, really. We've always been."

"Do you like her? Jo, I mean."

Danny smiled. "Jo's an amazing friend. She'd be terrified if she knew half of what goes on in my head."

Lacey leaned across the table, shutting out the loud warning bells in her mind. "And what goes through your head?"

"You, mostly," he admitted, watching her expression carefully for any reaction. "Having you."

He gave her a pointed look and Lacey couldn't ignore the cold chills rippling down her spine. Or the cacophony of butterflies rioting in her stomach.

"What else?"

"Hurting people who hurt you. Like Archie."

"Archie doesn't hurt me."

"He treats you like his property. That doesn't sit right with me."

"How chivalrous," Lacey bit sarcastically.

"I'm not trying to be. You're not his, Lacey. Not really. All the eternity rings and Valentines in the world won't change that. You're two separate people. But you and I… we're like two sides of the same coin. Like two halves of the same person."

Lacey averted her eyes. She didn't want to consider what he'd just said. She was nothing like Danny Desai. She was normal. Normal, unshakeable Lacey Porter.

Normal. Normal. _Normal_.

"You're wrong," she mumbled at the floor.

"Keep telling yourself that." Danny shrugged.

"This isn't healthy, you know." Lacey wiped angrily at the hot tears beginning to cascade down her cheeks and winced when she touched the bruise. "I hate feeling this way. Ever since you came back." She hiccupped which only triggered more tears. "I love my life as it is, Danny. I loved Regina and I love Archie and stupid high school parties and pep rallies."

"But you miss your old life too," Danny noted quickly without skipping a beat.

"I hate this feeling," she repeated. "I don't want to be anything like you."

"No offense taken."

Lacey ignored him and picked up her handbag. She made it to the doorway before pausing.

"Look… I may not be Archie's. But I'm sure as hell not yours either."

She slammed the door behind her and didn't stop until she was out of the station building.

* * *

**A/N: This was a really short update but the next chapter is very long so hopefully that compensates. **

**Eternal love to everyone who reviewed: **_starinthem, Amelia, Inspirational Stars, luv4ed, amorallydubiousprincess, DaceyTwistedLove, KatFoxFiction, sweetkiwi _**and the one guest reviewer! :)**


	3. Part Three

Monday, 6:00PM

Lacey didn't know where she was driving. All she knew was that her mum wouldn't stop grilling her about her conversation with Danny until she told her she'd be working on homework in her room. There was only so much partial differentiation she could do however and, after three hours, she slammed her Calculus book shut and snuck out.

Now she was driving through the winding, ivy-laced streets of Green Grove aimlessly. Her gas meter was quivering toward 'empty' and she pulled into the isolated parking lot to the side of a park.

A figure seated under the old oak tree caught her attention. Scribbling in a notebook and wearing his usual oversized khaki jacket was…

"Jesus H Christ…" Lacey muttered to herself. She couldn't seem to avoid Danny Desai anywhere in this godforsaken town.

"Hey!" she called and the longhaired boy snapped to attention.

"Lacey!" He grinned.

"Isn't it a little late to be out? You know it's winter, right? It's going be pitch black out here soon."

"I can take care of myself."

Lacey trudged closer. "In case you've forgotten, you don't drive and your house is a good hour from here. How do you expect to get home?"

"Well, before cars were invented, Lace, there was thing called walking. You should try it sometime."

"Are you calling me fat?" she deadpanned.

"No. And you can stop looking so serious, I know you don't really think you're fat."

"Aren't you a charmer." Lacey smirked. She was still standing, her arms crossed and somewhat enjoying towering over Danny.

"I'm a total ladies man," Danny insisted, feigning offense.

"I'm sure." Lacey rolled her eyes, smiling nonetheless. She coughed awkwardly. "Hey, I'm sorry about my little…outburst today. I never normally cry—"

"I know," Danny interjected. "I got a little heavy and out-of-line. It's all good."

Lacey sat down and watched him draw in silence for ten minutes.

"Get up," she said finally. "I hate driving in the dark." Lacey stood up, shivering as a cold descended. The moon was rising rapidly in the navy sky and stars were beginning to appear.

"Then you should head off now," Danny advised.

"Oh, come _on_. I'm not letting you walk home at this hour. Besides, there's apparently a killer on the loose."

"I know. Remember?" Danny grinned.

"I mean the person who killed Regina. It's not exactly safe right now."

"Oh, so you _do_ believe me?" Danny joked.

Lacey looked somber. "Yes, I do. But you already knew that."

Danny nodded, the smile slipping from his face, and pulled himself up. They began walking over to her car. He whistled appreciatively.

"You know, I never said anything the other night but that is a _sweet_ ride."

"Thanks. Perks of your parents never being around, I guess. They compensate for affection in material things."

Danny's eyes darkened. "That's not fair. They shouldn't do that to you."

Lacey shrugged and they entered the much warmer inside of the car.

"No biggie. Uh…try not to hurt them, alright?" She tittered nervously at her own attempt at dark humour.

Danny remained serious. "I wasn't joking earlier, Lace. I really, _really_ don't like seeing you hurt."

Lacey locked the doors and turned to him, leaving the key in the ignition.

"You worry me sometimes, Danny."

"I told you…Jo would be terrified if she knew what I thought about. All day. I don't scare you though, do I?"

"You worry me," Lacey admitted. "But no, you don't scare me."

Danny nodded slowly. He turned to look out the window, avoiding the mix of concern and confusion in her eyes.

"I'm not okay, Lace. Not really. Not inside, where it counts."

"Everyone has their… stuff. Their issues. We all have a dark side, Danny."

Danny exhaled. "Yeah, but I can feel mine creeping over the edges…threatening to consume me. Hurt everyone I love."

Lacey turned the key in the ignition. "Look, you're crashing with me tonight. Mum's pulling an all-nighter to make up for all the time she wasted – sorry, _spent_ – on Archie this morning."

Danny looked at her quizzically. "Why?"

"Well, she bills by the hour so–"

"No," Danny cut her off. "I mean... You want nothing to do with me. Why the offer? Why now?"

Lacey let out a frustrated noise.

"I can't imagine home is the greatest place for you right now. Not after…this morning." She reversed slowly out of the parking space and then turned to him. "Then again, home has never really been the greatest place for you, has it?"

Danny didn't answer and instead reached out. Almost instinctively, Lacey's hand met his and descended onto his lap. He stroked the back of her hand with a calloused thumb.

Somehow, it was all the answer she needed.

* * *

Winter, 2008

Danny and Jo were late again. Lacey grunted in irritation before sitting on the edge of the sandbox. She didn't have any other friends here. She hated being this early because it meant sitting alone and trying to look busy.

"Hey, frizz head!"

Lacey winced. It wasn't even a clever nickname. No rhyming or anything.

"Phoebe."

The strawberry-blonde haired girl had her arms on her hips and a mean smirk on her lips.

"Where are your friends?"

"She doesn't have any." Phoebe's friend laughed.

Phoebe giggled. "Hey, how do you brush your hair anyway?"

"Go away," Lacey snapped through gritted teeth. Somehow, she felt her hair grow bigger in Phoebe's presence. It felt bushier and frizzier than it normally did.

"I mean, doesn't the brush break? Can you even tie it up?"

Hot tears prickled in Lacey's eyes, clouding her vision. Even so, she made a concerted effort to focus on the trees in the distance and away from the bullies to her side.

"She braids them sometimes," Phoebe's other friend piped up.

"Yeah, and they looked like worms!" Phoebe dissolved into laughter at her own cleverness.

Suddenly, she yelped and dove headfirst into the sand. Lacey looked up in surprise to see Danny standing where Phoebe had a few seconds ago.

"I freaking _hate_ you, Desai!" Phoebe shrieked, sputtering sand.

Lacey giggled.

"You're not meant to push girls!" Phoebe's friend sneered.

Danny put his face right up against hers. "I'll push you too if you keep talking."

Lacey laughed louder as the girls scattered away. "That wasn't very nice, Danny."

"They weren't being very nice to you." He shrugged and sat next to her. "And your hair is very pretty."

Lacey couldn't help the hot flush that spread across her cheeks and down her neck. "That's very nice of you to say."

It was how her mum had told her to respond to compliments but she couldn't bring herself to say it clearly or even look Danny in the eyes as she did.

"No problem. Come on. Let's go play!"

Danny grabbed her hand and yanked her up with him.

* * *

Monday, 7:10 PM

They pulled into the driveway of the Porter residence. Danny took in the familiar surroundings.

"Place still looks the same," he said. "In a good way, I mean."

Lacey smiled. "Yeah. Mum's not a big fan of change."

They jogged up to the front door, eager to get out of the chill. As soon as she unlocked the doors, a waft of warm air greeted them.

"Mum left the heater on again," she said. "Lucky for us, I guess."

Danny stripped out of his jacket. "Is there somewhere I can leave this, or…?"

"Just toss it onto the couch. I'll worry about it later. Or the housekeeper will."

Following her own instructions, she dropped her handbag onto the couch. Hooking her finger under the knit material of her argyle sweater, Lacey pulled it up over her head.

"Uh, Lace…"

"Fuck…" she muttered.

Without having to look down – or even being able to see – the air on her skin told her she had pulled her thin cotton shirt up with the sweater. At the back of her mind, she was vaguely proud that she had worn her nice bra today. It was an old gift from Regina whose cousin worked at Victoria's Secret. The pale pink lace shone against her cinnamon skin and made her feel oddly adult and…well, sexy.

"It's okay, I've got ya." Danny took his time detaching the shirt from the inside of her sweater.

Lacey pulled the sweater off then shook out her hair. "Sorry about that."

Danny snorted. "You're apologizing to a teenage boy for giving him a free peep show?"

Lacey playfully smacked his arm. "That's gross! Don't say it like that."

Danny was already distracted however. He couldn't make out Lacey's distinct features in the dark of the park or the car but, in the house's warm golden lights, he could see the painful bruise under her eye.

"Holy shit…I mean, fuck…" He inhaled sharply. "That looks painful."

Lacey shrugged. "So does yours. Yours looks worse actually."

"Yeah, but…I'm used to this. I'm really, really…_really_ sorry, Lacey."

"Don't sweat it. I…I don't think it was you." There was that irrational conviction again. Lacey ignored it.

Changing the subject quickly, she said, "Look, we don't really have any guy's clothes in the house. I mean, you could always wear my nightie, but I doubt you'd be comfortable."

"Personally, I think I'd rock the Victoria's Secret much better than you," Danny said matter-of-factly, cocking his hip out.

Lacey giggled. "You couldn't fill it out as well as me, Desai. Don't even try."

Danny grabbed his chest and pouted, as if to compare their busts. "Implants," he concluded.

Lacey snorted. "I'm gonna go put some tea on. Make up your mind about what you're sleeping in."

"I always sleep in my boxers anyway." He shrugged and peeled off his shirt.

Lacey rolled her eyes. "Do you want some privacy?"

"What? We used to change in front of each other all the time," he reminded her.

"Yeah, that was before you had…you know, abs." She blushed as she said it.

What was wrong with her? Archie and his teammates were always shirtless around her and they had much more impressive abs.

"Compliment taken," Danny said with a smile.

Lacey left, partly to gather herself and partly to make tea as she'd promised.

Ten minutes later, she left the kitchen with two steaming mugs. Danny had turned on the TV.

"Are you watching Oprah?" Lacey withheld her laughter.

"Um…no." Danny reddened. "It was the only thing on!"

Lacey cocked a brow and handed him his mug.

"Okay…it's riveting television, okay?"

Lacey dissolved into laughter. "I knew you had a soft side, Desai."

She practically inhaled a third of her mug in one sip. The hot liquid melted into her stomach. When she looked up, she found Danny staring intently at her again.

"I still can't get over the fact that I'm responsible for that…" He reached over to lightly stroke the bruise. Lacey didn't wince. His touch was feather-light and practically glided over the surface of her skin.

"Don't torture yourself over it."

Danny leaned over, still stroking the bruise over and over. Lacey's heart thumped so loudly in her chest, she was sure he could hear it. His words from earlier that morning came rushing back to her.

"_And what goes through your head?"_

"_You, mostly. Having you."_

Danny leaned in even closer. His knee pressed hard against hers and his breath warmed her cheek. He looked at her as if to ask for permission.

Lacey froze. Memories of the first time she was this intimate flooded into her mind, demanding her attention.

_The headache-inducing sound of EDM-driven music dimmed as Archie shut the door._

"_How're you feeling, babe?"_

"_Good," Lacey said, keeping her voice even. _

_Tonight was the night. She was sick of hearing about Sarita and Regina's sexual escapades. They treated her like a child who couldn't possibly understand their "mature, adult relationships". Whenever the subject came up, it was only to condescendingly hush her._

"_Lacey wouldn't understand. She's a v-i-r-g-i-n."_

_The rational part of her understood that she was still young. Still under the national average when it came to losing your virginity. _

_But the reckless part of her simply didn't care. She wasn't religious and frankly, she didn't see the magical, fairytale weight everyone put on virginity. It was a stupid social concept, she decided._

"_Come on. You're not getting cold feet, are you?" she teased. _

_Archie smirked, puffing his chest out. "Of course not."_

_He tossed a sealed pack of Trojans onto the bedside table. As he climbed onto the bed, Lacey eagerly wrapped her arms around his neck. He pulled his shirt off in one swift motion and Lacey did the same. _

_In under a minute, both were completely naked. It wasn't as sweaty as Lacey imagined. Any pleasure only came from the brief moments when he would rub or grind the right spot. She kept waiting for those elusive teenage hormones to kick in._

"_Ready?" he grunted impatiently._

"_Yeah, sure."_

_He ripped open the packet on the table and slid it on. She was vaguely impressed at how smooth and adept he was._

_He entered her – a little too fast for her liking – and she gasped sharply at the stretching sensation. They stayed like that, motionless, for a few seconds before he began his jackhammer-like thrusting. Lacey winced. Was it meant to be like this? It was too fast, too clumsy. She swore he accidentally slid out a few times in his drunk stupor._

_Two minutes – that felt more like an eternity – later, he collapsed aside her, breathing heavily._

"_Fuck, that was so amazing. Fuck. You were so good, baby."_

_Lacey forced herself to moan weakly. They lay like that, in silence, for a minute before Archie got up to dispose of the sticky, wet latex contraption._

_Lacey turned onto her side, feeling just as she had five minutes ago. Nothing major changed inside her. She didn't feel more grown-up._

"_There. No big deal." She yawned before drifting off to sleep._

Lacey didn't much feel like giving Danny any kind of permission. Archie always took far too much control during their intimate moments.

But she was alone.

And she had no idea if Archie was even speaking to her right now.

And Danny looked so nice under the warm golden glow of the living room chandelier.

And she was wearing her nice bra. It even matched her panties.

Excuses flooded through her mind, breaking down her walls of inhibition. In a fleeting moment of recklessness, she pressed her lips to Danny's.

He responded immediately and with a sense of urgency, biting and sucking on any part of her mouth he could. Lacey grappled at his chest, mimicking his urgency. Turning strategically, she flung her leg over his lap, straddling him on the expensive leather sofa.

His large, rough hand slipped under the thin material of her shirt. Lacey wasn't in the mood for games. She pulled the shirt over her head and flung it behind her. Danny groaned at the sight in front of him.

"I take it back. You definitely fill out that Victoria's Secret better than I ever could," he admitted.

Lacey giggled breathlessly. It felt like every inch of her body flushed hotly at the sound of his groan. She wanted to hear it again and again and again.

Flinging all her hair over to one side, she kissed and sucked hungrily on his neck, grinding hard against his lap as she did.

"Fuck, Lace..." Danny trailed off, unable to continue.

She could feel him under her now, completely hard and throbbing wildly.

She pulled away from her ministrations on his neck and moved her hair off her face. She cradled his jaw and watched him intently as she grinded back and forth across his denim-covered package.

His eyes rolled back in pleasure and his breaths became shallower.

"How does that feel?" she asked softly, slowing down. He bucked involuntarily up against her.

"Fuck—Fucking amazing," he stuttered.

In the back of her head, Lacey realized this was likely the only sexual contact Danny had ever had.

Lacey reached behind her and undid the hook on her bra. It stayed in place, held up entirely by her firm, perky breasts.

Danny hooked his fingers between the two cups and yanked down gently, releasing them from their cotton and lace cage. He inhaled sharply, fixated on their full teardrop shape and the hardness of her dusky nipples.

"Like what you see?" Lacey smiled.

"You could say that."

Danny began rolling each nipple under his thumb excruciatingly slowly. Lacey shuddered and threw her head back, moaning sincerely this time. It was a new sensation to her. With Archie, she'd become an expert at faking pleasure.

Danny's hand dropped away from her right breast and she whimpered. It was quickly replaced by a wet sensation. His tongue flicked around the areola, briefly sucking every now and then. Heat pooled in her lower mid section.

Lacey forced herself to pull away, to regain control. She scooted back, off his lap and onto his legs. She closed her eyes and took several, long deep breaths while waiting for her heart rate to stabilize.

"You're wearing far too much, Desai."

"You really wanna do this?" he blurted out. "Right now?"

He couldn't hide the excitement in his voice. Or the excitement pressing into Lacey's stomach.

"It's fine, I have condoms," she assured him. She went in for another heated make out but he pulled back.

"How come?" Danny paused. "Have—have you done this before?"

Lacey furrowed her brows. "I've been with Archie for _three years_, Danny."

Danny swallowed hard, a stormy look darkening his features. "I don't think we should do this right now, Lace."

Lacey slid off him. "Fine."

What the hell was she thinking anyway? Danny Desai was a life-ruiner.

"You know that I really want to," he said, eyes fixated on her as she gathered her clothes. "God knows it's all I think about. I can hardly focus in class sometimes."

Lacey ignored him, hurriedly pulling her shirt back on and ignoring the humiliation burning her cheeks.

"Seriously," Danny continued. "You'd…probably be disgusted if you knew how I've imagined you. And how often."

"Yeah, I get it," Lacey snapped. Finally dressed, she turned with her hands on her hips. "What's your point?"

"That I don't want you if I can't have you fully. Not until Archie, or any other guy, is out of your life for good."

He stood quickly and, in two long strides, stood in front of her with her face in his hands. "I want _all of you_, Lace."

"You'll be waiting a while then," she told him simply before pulling away and leaving the room.

"Good night, Danny," she called back.

* * *

**A/N: Next update will come after the third ep airs! If you want to join me in live-blogging and fangirling, I'll be in the #Dacey tag on Tumblr under 'theeternalingenue'. Happy viewing :)****  
**

**[And, as always, thank you to all the beautiful people who reviewed!]**


	4. Part Four

Tuesday, 7:22AM

Lacey awoke, feeling surprisingly well rested. She turned to look at the pink and green digital clock on her bedside table. It flashed 7:22 AM brightly at her. She groaned.

Lacey normally woke up at 6:00AM to organize her outfit for the day and carefully apply her makeup. Another, vastly more worrying, thought hit her suddenly.

Danny.

She flung the covers off her body, ignoring the sudden chill, and nearly bounded out of her room when a post-it attached to her mirror caught her eye. She snatched it roughly and unfolded it.

_Hey Lace_

_I woke up really early (seriously, it's like 4AM) and left. I figured your mum would be home soon and I didn't want you to have to explain to her why I'm here. I know she's not my biggest fan at the moment._

_Sorry about yesterday – all of it._

_Love, D_

Lacey smiled despite herself. Running to the bathroom, she splashed her face with cold water and brushed her teeth in less than five minutes. After two hurried applications of mascara and lip-gloss, she went back into her room to pull on jeans and a loose paisley-print blouse.

"Mum, I'm heading out!" she called.

No response. Lacey rolled her eyes. This was fairly typical. Judy probably wasn't even home yet.

Her bag was where she'd left it the night before. On the couch in the living room where she and Danny—

She winced. The night before felt like it had happened to an entirely different Lacey. A reckless wild child with no inhibitions and a penchant for riding convicted killers.

She vaguely wondered if that's who she might have become if Danny had never left.

"Don't be stupid," she muttered to herself as she got into her car.

The loud announcer voices and obnoxious sound effects of commercial radio drowned out her thoughts as she sped to Green Grove High.

* * *

Tuesday, 7:55AM

The atmosphere at school felt…different. Lacey couldn't quite put her finger on it. It felt almost tense and the student body was awash with the buzz of gossip.

Lacey had to know how to read groups of people like that. It was always her specialty and how she'd coerced the popular group into accepting her after Danny left.

"Sarita!" She spotted her friend talking to two seniors and grinned. "Hey, what's up? You won't believe how late I slept in this morn—"

Sarita curled her lip in disgust.

"We should go," said one of the seniors.

"Yeah, I have homeroom in E block, anyway," Sarita said in agreement.

"Um, we have the same homeroom, 'Rita. I'm heading there myself."

But the three turned their backs to her and shuffled away quickly. Lacey wasn't just imagining it. Something was definitely different this morning. A cold dread settled in her stomach. This was every nightmare she'd had for the past few years coming to life. She comes to school with her mouth full of braces and her hair as frizzy as ever. Everyone sees her for the fraud she is and all her cool, new friends abandon her.

She caught her reflection across the hall. She wasn't that awkward eleven-year-old anymore, though. The girl staring back at her was the same tall, buxom Lacey Porter with the perfect shiny hair and award-winning smile.

So what the hell was going on?

She remembered that Archie would have come out of practice by then and made her way over to the boys' locker rooms.

She encountered groups of boys exiting the locker rooms as she walked toward them. She heard their snickers and felt their judgmental eyes on her but chalked it up to her paranoia.

"Archie?" she called, seeing his friends.

"Dude, it's your girl," his friend said, slamming Archie on the back and laughing raucously.

"Shut the fuck up, man."

Archie looked stormy. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"I always meet you here," Lacey mumbled. "I know I'm late today, sorry."

"No." Archie laughed coldly. "I want nothing to do with you. Not now, not ever."

"What are you talking about?" Lacey asked.

"A few of the boys saw Socio leaving your place at 4 this morning. Did you forget you live next door to Scott?"

Lacey's eyes widened. "Nothing happened, Archie. I saw him heading home alone and offered him a ride. My gas tank was empty so—"

"I'm sure you did offer him a ride," Archie sneered. "Save the fucking excuses, Lacey. I'm not an idiot."

"Don't talk to me like that!" Lacey cried. A few of the surrounding students slowed down to listen. "I'm not yours to push around like that.

The fact that you would believe the worthless gossips here over your own girlfriend—" Lacey sputtered, lost for words. "Fuck you, asshole."

"From what I hear, the freak already has." Archie turned and walked briskly away, shooting cold looks at the students staring at him.

Lacey refused to blink and allow the tears to spill onto her cheeks. She walked as quickly as she could to homeroom, keeping her head down to avoid the gleeful looks on virtually all the students' faces.

_Ding-dong, the Queen is dead_, she thought sardonically.

* * *

Tuesday, 8:15AM

The teacher was late to homeroom. Ms. Holloway was always late to homeroom but this was the day Lacey really, _really_ needed her to be on time.

Whispers surrounded her on every side and Lacey didn't need any paranoia to know they were about her. She tuned out as much of the conversation as she could. She really didn't need to hear a few words that would only pique her curiosity.

"Hey," a voice beside her piped up.

Lacey turned in surprise. "Oh, you're still talking to me?"

Jo smiled. "You know I've never cared what these people think. Unlike you."

Lacey winced. "That is completely fair."

"For the record, I don't believe them at all." Jo shrugged.

"What, uh—" Lacey cleared her throat. "What are they saying?"

Jo shrugged. "Really creepy, gross things. The gist of it is that you slept with Danny."

"Worse than that," Jo's friend, Rico, interjected. Jo shot him a warning look, knowing how tactless and inappropriate her friend could be. "They're saying he's into S&M and stuff. You know, 'cause he's _Socio_ and all. They're saying you let him tie you up and cut you and shit. Gnarly stuff, really."

Lacey rolled her eyes. "The students here are so OTT. They'll move on to another drama in a week or so."

"More drama than the prim, perfect Queen Bee getting turned out by a convicted murderer? I don't know. That'd be pretty hard to beat."

"That's enough, Rico," Jo said through gritted teeth. "I think she gets it."

Lacey laughed. "Look at you, learning the latest slang. Did you hear 'turned out' from a rap video?"

"Quiet, students! I want to do the roll-call in a minute," Ms. Holloway called.

"Hey, uh…" Lacey leaned over and whispered, "Can I sit with you guys at lunch? Just for today?"

Jo looked unsure. Rico nodded quickly. "Yeah, sure. As long as you need."

Lacey smiled and settled back into her seat. Maybe this social outcast thing wouldn't be so bad. After all, she had two experts to guide her.

Three, she remembered. She hadn't seen Danny all morning. If anyone knew how to navigate the waters of social pariah-dom, it would be him.

* * *

Spring, 2008

"You've been quiet all day, Danny. Are you okay?" Lacey asked as Jo left to pack up the video game console.

Danny shrugged, kicking at a frayed bit of material coming loose from the carpet.

"I have to do something, Lace," he told her simply. "It's really, really important. And I don't think anyone will understand."

Lacey wrinkled her brows. "I always understand. What are you talking about?"

"I want to tell you. I really do. I think you'll know why I'm doing it. But if I tell you, then they won't stop asking you questions. And if you tell them, it'll mess up everything."

"You're not making any sense, Danny."

He shrugged. "I suppose I'm not. I just want to say I'm really, really sorry and you'll know why later on."

Lacey still looked confused. She could normally follow Danny's somber thoughts but his tone was scaring her. Her heart raced wildly and she waited for him to go back to his funny, jokester self.

He turned to her. "Just take care of Jo, okay? You guys will be friends forever, right? We'll all be."

"Of course." Lacey held her hand up to show him her friendship bracelet. He had one too. "Friends forever."

Danny nodded. "And ignore Phoebe and her stupid friends. They can't stand how happy and kind you are. They're all really ugly on the inside and it's all they'll ever be."

Lacey found herself getting teary and she couldn't quite explain why. "I don't know why you're saying that. They don't bother me."

"They kind of do," Danny said quietly. "You do care a little bit what they think about you and you shouldn't."

He leaned in suddenly and pressed a kiss – much less wet than the last time – onto her cheek. Lacey blushed hotly.

"What was that for?"

Danny shrugged. "Just because. Come on, we should go help Jo."

* * *

**A/N: Well, I promised to update after episode 1x03 aired so here we are! By the way, who else internally fangirled during the almost-kiss scene in ****the hall?! :O**


	5. Part Five

Tuesday, 12:15PM

"And then I told him my original draft was correct because the sentence was written in the subjunctive tense. He disagreed anyway so I wrote a pretty unfavorable peer review," Rico said. Jo laughed.

Lacey managed a nervous giggle. "That's really funny, Rico."

Jo locked eyes with her. "But I'm sure Lacey is used to hearing about people with much wilder weekends."

"Those people are boring," Lacey assured them quickly. "There's only so much you can hear about parties and hook-ups before it all starts to sound the same."

It wasn't necessarily true but making people feel good was another talent Lacey had. She knew how to make someone feel like the center of attention and, once you learned just how self-centered and vain most people are, it was a valuable tool.

"So, is it true?" Rico leaned forward all of a sudden.

"Rico, give it up." Jo rolled her eyes. "You know how everyone here likes to gossip."

Rico pouted. "I can't just have _the_ Lacey Porter sitting at our table and not ask her if the rumors are true."

He turned back to Lacey. "Okay, shake your head for yes and nod for no."

"How does that make any sense?" Jo asked with a confused expression.

"It's how they do it in Bulgaria," Rico argued.

"But this isn't Bulgaria, this is—" Jo began, but Rico shushed her. Lacey began slowly shaking her head.

"Oh my God." His mouth dropped open. "It _is_ true!"

"Close your mouth. You'll catch flies," Jo warned. "Wait, so you and Danny really—"

Lacey cut her off. "Not all the blood and chains crap, no. But I did give him a ride and he did crash at mine. I was just worried about him. He seems to be going through something recently."

"So that's how you 'help' people you're worried about, huh?" Rico nodded appreciatively. "Jo, I think I'm going through some stuff right now. It's been so hard. Really, it has."

"Shut up," Jo mumbled. "So you two hooked up?"

"Something like that. We didn't go that far."

Jo pushed away her tuna salad sandwich. She suddenly wasn't very hungry anymore.

"It makes sense," Jo said finally. "He's always had a thing for you."

Rico snorted. "More than a thing. He always brings you up. Like, constantly." He deepened his voice suddenly to mimic Danny's. "'_Jo, wouldn't it be nice to have Lacey back in our lives?_'"

Lacey smiled. "Really?" she asked softly.

"Do you like him?" Jo asked.

Lacey shrugged. "I don't think I have a choice, really…"

In a way, it was true, she realized. She'd never be free of Danny. Not really. She could play pretend with a host of other guys without ever recreating the violent infatuation between her and Danny. It wasn't fleeting lust or attraction. She'd felt those sensations countless times before. They always dissolved into nothingness. She didn't want to hold Danny's hand, or even have sex with him in a textbook sort of way. His words drifted back to her.

"_I want all of you."_

She understood the full weight of them now. It wasn't just about her leaving Archie. It was about her leaving everything she'd worked so hard to build for the last five years because there simply wasn't enough space for something as heavy and all consuming as her relationship with Danny.

"What does that mean?" Jo prodded.

"You wouldn't under—it's hard to explain," Lacey said simply.

She tried to imagine a world where she really did give a proverbial middle finger to the world she'd made for herself and chose to be with Danny. They'd be defined by each other, no matter how hard she fought it. She'd be the girl with the socio boyfriend. Tainted and ruined. No man would want her again. No relationship would measure up.

And he'd be the asshole that corrupted a sweet, straight-A student. Broken and dangerous.

"Where is Danny anyway?" Lacey asked suddenly.

"Not sure. Haven't seen him all day."

Lacey wrinkled her brows and worry set into her face. It seemed all she did recently was worry about Danny.

"I'm sure everyone will move on," Jo told her. "Just like you said."

Lacey should have been relieved to hear that but she wasn't sure it was what she wanted. There was something liberating that came with being knocked off her lofty perch, of having her perfect image shattered.

She was just plain old Lacey now.

* * *

Thursday, 8:15AM

The operation to reclaim her proverbial social throne began late in the week. Danny hadn't been to school on Wednesday either, giving Sarita more than enough time to get into Lacey's head.

"It's okay, I told everyone he basically forced himself onto you. It's been so boring without you. Phoebe is so fucking pretentious. I can't stand it. And she talks so much shit."

"That's wrong," Lacey said bluntly. "You shouldn't be making things up."

"Why do you care?" Sarita rolled her eyes. "Do you _want_ to be social road-kill forever?"

A host of snappy retorts rushed through Lacey's mind. What she really wanted to say was that Danny would never do that. Lacey was the last person he'd hurt. Or that making up false rumors about sexual assault only made it harder for real victims to be taken seriously. Or that Lacey found herself caring less and less what Sarita's group of friends thought.

Instead, she pursed her mouth into a thin, tense line and walked briskly forward, hoping Sarita would be distracted by a shiny object in her peripheral and wander off.

"So, as your best friend ever, I need to know – did you really do the dirty with Socio? Because I can totally understand if the whole tall, dark, and handsome thing got to you. I hear serial killer chic is very in right now."

A chorus of 'shut the fuck up' rang through Lacey's mind.

"None of your damn business," Lacey snapped. Sarita gasped.

"Oh my God. You totally did, didn't you?" She squealed. "How was he? Was he good? Totally rough, right? Wait—"

Sarita paused before looking up at Lacey with wide eyes as if she were about to deliver devastating news.

"You know this means none of the guys – the ones that really matter – are going to date you after this, right? Oh, babe. I mean, your first strike is being Archie's ex. Nobody really wants to get on his bad side. But then there's the fact that Socio has been all up and through there—" Sarita gestured at Lacey's body like it was a toxic waste dump.

Lacey stopped abruptly and turned sharply on her heel to face Sarita. At 5'8, she towered over the petite girl.

"Listen, _babe_," she mimicked sarcastically. "I don't need any of the guys at this tiny, dead-end school. And I sure as hell don't need anyone who would associate with Archie. Or you, for that matter. They can all _get fucked_ for all I care."

She sped up, wanting to get as far away from her former friend as possible.

* * *

Spring, 2008

Lacey was more confused than ever. Confused. Miserable. Grieving.

But more than anything she was angry. Angry at the police and news reporters who wouldn't stop harassing her school and her home. Angry at her parents for pretending everything was okay. Angry at the therapist for trying to fit her emotions into a textbook-approved formula.

Angry at Danny Desai for doing…what he did.

A shameful part of her didn't even care about Aunt Tara's death as much as being left alone. Because that was the real tragedy in this, wasn't it?

She couldn't even remember the last time she got a full night's sleep. How could anyone sleep with a painful emptiness searing inside them? She felt more than alone. She wasn't just Lacey anymore. She was less than that. Danny had taken a part of her with him when the police drove him away.

She didn't know what to do with only part of a person.

She half expected this all to be some elaborate nightmare. Her mum would wake her up and tell her Jo and Danny were waiting downstairs. She'd tell them all about it, cry a little even, and they'd go off to play. She'd hear Danny's teasing tone as he shoved her playfully.

But the memory of Danny most vividly imprinted into her mind was the look in his eyes when he came outside with the red jump rope.

_I had to._

In the few hours of sleep she did get, it haunted her nightmares. Lacey couldn't go back to all of that. She couldn't even talk to Jo because all she reminded her of was the creaking of those swings and those dark, dark eyes.

Her mum tried to distance her from all that. She invited some girls from school to play at their house this weekend. Regina and Sarita. She was desperate to see her daughter happy and lively and normal.

Lacey vowed she would be just like them. She'd copy their every gesture and mannerism. She'd learn to like everything they liked. Maybe it would allow her to absorb some part of them and fill this gaping hole inside.

Because what else was she supposed to do with only part of a person?

* * *

Thursday, 10:20AM

"Hey, what are you doing?"

Lacey looked down the rows of bleachers to see Danny. His hands were shoved into his pockets as usual and his hair was loosely tied back today.

"Just trying to get away from everything."

Danny jogged over and sat aside her. "And what's 'everything'?"

Lacey looked up at him. "I know you don't really get the Green Grove High bulletin, being a social pariah and all, but have you really not heard the rumors?"

"Yeah, apparently you gave a prime murder suspect a blow job at your place on Saturday night. Raunchy stuff. Some of the students here should seriously go into erotic fiction. They'd give 50 shades a run for its money."

Lacey laughed which gave way to hiccups and before she knew it, she was bawling in front of the person she was normally most guarded around.

"Hey, hey…" Danny wrapped an arm around her shaking frame, rubbing small circles into her back. "I know you're not actually upset about that. You could have these mouth-breathers wrapped around your finger again in under an hour. Fuck what they say."

Lacey shook her head. "I don't feel in control anymore. I'm not even sure I want them to like me again. I've been so different. I've been making fake conversation and giving fake compliments and fake smiles and I just— I'm so tired, Danny. So _fucking_ tired. I've done this for five years and I didn't realize how fucking exhausting it is until this week."

"We all have a breaking point, Lace."

She looked at him. "Well, I think I'm reaching mine. And that scares the absolute shit out of me."

"I'm not letting you get there," Danny assured her. "I don't care what I have to take the fall for or who I have to fight. Just tell me what will make you feel good again."

Lacey leaned into his side, muffling her sobs into his dark grey shirt.

"I don't know," she mumbled. "I wish I knew. I hate feeling this way and, more than that, I hate putting you in this position."

She paused. "I kind of want to go back to hating you. Do you know how easy it was to hate you when you just weren't here, Danny? I could blame every little thing that went wrong on you."

"So…send myself back to juvie? Gotcha." Danny joked.

Lacey ignored his attempt at humor. "But at the same time, I hate that you left even more. I feel like part of me left with you and I've been trying to overcompensate for this hole ever since. But now that you're back, I don't know what to do with that missing piece. I don't know where it fits or how it's meant to fit."

Danny nodded slowly. "Okay, weirdly enough…I think I get that."

He straightened up and leaned forward. "I'm sorry, Lace, but I'm not as confused as all that. I've always known what I want and I've been waiting – hoping, really – for you to catch up to me."

"You can't just leave for five years and expect there to be a Danny-shaped space in my life ready for you to fill," she insisted. "That's _really_ unfair to me."

Danny nodded slowly. "I never said I wasn't willing to give you time, Lace. It doesn't have to be this month or this year. If you decide you're ready when we're forty, I'll be here. But it's going to happen eventually. I just need you to stop denying that."

"You shouldn't say things like that," she scolded. "It gives me no incentive to make decisions. I need…I need to be more of a grown-up."  
Danny laughed. "You always were obsessed with being the mature one. You still are."

Lacey punched him playfully before leaning back into his side.

"Hey, why were you absent on Tuesday and Wednesday?"

Danny quieted for a few seconds. "I had…stuff."

Lacey bit her lip but didn't push it any further. She laced her shaky fingers through his, enjoying how firmly he gripped them back.

* * *

Thursday, 12:00PM

"So, is this going to be a regular thing now?" Jo asked, trying to keep her tone casual as she walked to the cafeteria with Lacey.

"Me sitting at your table?" Lacey smiled. "I've actually been talking to…the others, my old group, a little more so I'm not sure if I'll be joining you today. Nothing personal!"

Jo shook her head quickly. "No, that's fine. That's not what I meant. I was talking about you and Danny being on speaking terms now."

Lacey quieted. "I'm not sure I'd put it that way. It's comp—"

The words died on her tongue. Lacey had always hated when people described relationships and situations as 'complicated'. It was so vague, so nondescript. It was how her parents had explained their divorce to her; how Danny's parents had rationalized their fights to him.

'It's complicated' was a hallmark of melodramatic teenagers' Facebook relationship statuses. It meant nothing.

"I really don't know," she admitted finally.

Jo nodded slowly. "He's not that bad, you know. Danny, I mean. I hated him for doing what he did too…but he's not all that bad."

"Thanks for trying to help. It means a lot, really. But I don't need that kind of drama in my life." Lacey smiled to soften the blow of her comment and, with a short wave, turned left into the cafeteria doors toward the large twelve seat table where her former friends sat.

Jo sighed heavily and fidgeted with the straps on her backpack. Spotting Rico and Danny in her peripheral, she turned right to join them.

Lacey made it within ten feet of the table when Sarita stepped in her path.

"What happened to not wanting to be associated with people like me?" she demanded.

Lacey shot her a venomous smile, straightening up and allowing her eyes to slowly sweep the height of the girl in front of her. Sarita fidgeted uncomfortably, evidently psyched out.

"Move. _Bitch_." Lacey placed considerable emphasis on the latter word, savoring the syllable and reveling in the effect it had on Sarita.

"You can't just waltz back in like nothing happened," Sarita snapped. "You're _done,_ Porter. Social road-kill."

Lacey laughed, tilting her head up and allowing her hair to cascade over her shoulder. She could feel surrounding eyes staring with unabashed curiosity.

She remembered Danny's words from earlier.

"_You could have these mouth-breathers wrapped around your finger again in under an hour._"

He was right of course. She hadn't been the subject of Green Grove High students' awe for four years because she let herself be pushed around by the likes of Sarita.

"You really want to get into this with me, 'Rita?"

"Why don't you go running off into Socio's arms?" Sarita goaded. "You can go be _freaks_ together."

"You know, I'm surprised this is the rumor you chose to run with. Me sleeping with Danny? Really?" Lacey shrugged. "I don't know, it's just kind of sweet irony considering how desperately hard you tried to lose your virginity."

Lacey looked up and pursed her lips as if trying to recall a memory. She saw Sarita swallow hard in her peripheral.

"Like, first there was Brock who kept stringing you along for – what was it – six months? And then there was Shawn who hooked up with almost your entire group of friends _and _made fun of your moustache problem. But you still followed them around like a lost puppy. And _then _there was Archie…"

Lacey trailed off, both to laugh sarcastically and to let the weight of her words sink in. She basked in the scandalized gasps and titters around her.

"Did you really think he was going to cheat on me with…_you_?"

"I literally have no idea what you're talking about," Sarita stated but the shakiness in her voice gave her away.

"I mean…" Lacey leaned in so only the two of them would hear. "Archie is a few fries short of a happy meal, don't get me wrong. But not even he is dumb enough to cross me like that. Are you?"

Lacey watched as emotions raced through Sarita's eyes. Terror. Humiliation. Panic.

Lacey hadn't exactly left her with a plethora of options to save face. Turning on her heel, Sarita yanked her oversized knock-off handbag off the cafeteria floor and half-walked, half-jogged out to the chorus of jeers and laughter.

Lacey sat where she had a minute ago.

"God, I'm starving," she said, breaking the silence. "Do they have a Greek salad today or are they still only serving that plastic-tasting discounted shit?"

"Missed you _so_ much, babe!" Phoebe chirped. "I have to show you this totally gorg dress at the H&M on William—"

Conversation resumed as usual and the cafeteria soon returned to their former activities. The atmosphere was different though. Lacey could feel it. It was electric.

She locked eyes with the only person she wanted to hear from right now.

"I've missed you," she offered quietly. Archie looked away immediately, grimacing and evidently conflicted.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry about the delay. I'll put up the next update after 1x04. As always, happy viewing! :)**

**Thank you SO much for all the reviews. All of you. :) AdamLOVESDiana, I love that you left such a long and detailed review! That's absolutely amazing and made me unbelievably happy to read! ^_^ And I recognize some of you from Tumblr which is also super-awesome. :D**


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